Winter cyclists know that dressing for success, if not survival, means protecting the extremities, those most valuable digity bits, with high-quality gear like serious boots and full-on mitts. In fact, there’s a wide range of (very expensive) footwear and hand wear marketed to winter athletes and sportsmen and women, from cyclists and snowmobilers to ice-fishers and skiers. You can spend a lot of money on these items; and, in many cases, it’s worth doing so.
But what of protecting that most valuable extremity of all (at
least, for dudes)? How is the winter cyclist or sportsman supposed to keep his
willy warm on frigid days? Winter folk of all kinds have long had to deal with
this problem. It’s said, for instance, that Norwegian scouts of the
twelfth century embarked on days-long journeys through blizzards and drifts, protecting
their family jewels with ptarmigan carcasses stuffed down the front of their
breeches.
These days, alas, the winter-clothing industry hasn’t moved
much beyond the ptarmigan method. I know of only a few commercial options
available. Not surprisingly, however, resourceful winter athletes have invented
their own ways of protecting their central extremity. Herewith follows a guide
to some of the most common methods of keeping one’s unit from freezing off
whilst awheel in the winter.
